POET STALEY’S Top 20 Alternatives to Sun-Dried Tomatoes
1 astigmatism based insult dried tomatoes
2 Moonraker reboot with a Native American tender age Bond instead of Roger Moore dried tomatoes
3 silent treatment dried tomatoes
4 dry ice dried tomatoes
5 split pea spit dried tomatoes
6 11% ethanol dried tomatoes
7 sex lies and videotape dried tomatoes
8 Chihuahuan inhalations dried tomatoes
9 old New Hampshire white man music teacher holding his breath
dried tomatoes
10 doppelgänger with a zip tie necktie dried tomatoes
11 Howard Zinn versus Kit Carson dried tomatoes
12 apocryphal pre-apocalyptic college board dried tomatoes
13 “Waiting Around to Die” by Townes Van Zandt dried tomatoes
14 poutine dream tomatillo seeds on a Sunday spread with your
cousin on a platter dried tomatoes
15 Trumpers reciting love poems by gay Black tall women
dried tomatoes
16 hair dried tomatoes
17 fluoride in disguise dried tomatoes
18 shattered glass of a Walmart frame dried tomatoes
19 prime number imposter syndrome dried tomatoes
20 red dwarf cottage cheese star thistle lycopene dried tomatoes
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authors note: drying tomatoes with “sun” is cliche, base and possibly abusive. Tomato farmers and grocers nationwide should be ashamed of themselves. Are outrageous slotting fees or an epic small mindedness to blame?! What about the tomatoes dried by seven of Saturn’s 83 moons? Don’t they deserve a shot?